Saturday, 7 June 2014

About islands, oceans you can walk on and bedrooms!

Minions! I come to you stupefied... I don't understand what it is to grow out. I've seen it a million times, a human is in a disadvantage, the human reaches out, communicates the problem and they receive assistance, they accept it like extensions are second nature, like the apparent limits of our bodies are a mirage, like in truth humanity is a multi faced, limbed, minded, world covering entity; one that I am banned from. I don't understand looking for shelter in someone else's compassion, dropping self sustenance enough to confess a default lack of wholeness. I do not understand the ease of promoting the nooks of your puzzle piece edges, or what you had for lunch or how you exude love. I have spent a lifetime being the no man who is an island, I have been stormed back in every time I tested the water temperature with my toes, I am always on the outside flailing against the current to be sucked in while wishing I could give in to it. I have always been peacefully lonely, gloriously sufficient.... I have always been a very well painted exterior and a well furnished reception space, I have always feared my bedrooms to the point of leaving them fester with monsters. I have never understood the appeal of joining hands.... I still stand before it mystified. Finding that the oceans surrounding you are walk-able should have been a moment of ecstasy... it's a reflection of my paralysed limbs instead. Turns out I was always pulled in, not pushed back, turns out no one can push anyone back, turns out I am my monsters all along. Minions, I need to face the monsters first... 

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